04 August 2012
It's only been 3 years!
I know, I know. Three years is much too long to go between blog posts. I am a procrastinator and besides, I have been busy raising my three kids and a brood of high school girls. When I started this blog three years ago, I felt the need to share my story of trusting in God on a daily basis, through great days, horrible days, and all the ordinary days in betweeen. Shortly after completing just a few posts, Daniel and I were just at the beginning of what ended up being a two-year-long process of surviving the most difficult times of houseparenting that we have encountered so far. It was exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Our family of five was ill for several months. Some days, it was all I could do to muster up the energy to get out of bed, knowing that I would be walking back into a war zone. My emotions during those two years ranged from thanking God for His provision to hating Him for ever calling me to work with high school girls. I reflected often on the process of Him working in our hearts and lives in order to bring us to this place. I journaled, but only in my private notebooks, not on the web for all the world to see. Someday, I will share what I am able to from those two years. Someday, but not today. For now, it will be good to hit the "Publish" button and take the first step towards finishing what I started.
11 September 2009
Don't get me wrong...
Before I get too much farther into the story of my walk with Christ, I want to make one thing perfectly clear - I am a sinner just as anyone else. Please do not confuse my stories of obedience with those of perfection or being on some kind of "holier than thou" soap box. I have made more than my fair share of mistakes on this road called life. I have to choose daily to die to self.
Don't get me wrong, during the times I have been most obedient to God, I have also drawn the closest to Him and experienced the "peace that passes all understanding." Yet, in my times of disobedience, I have developed character, which ultimately helps me to continue to seek ways to be obedient. I honestly believe the times of disobedience have been just as important in my walk as those times when I am seeking and following Him wholeheartedly.
One of my clearest recollections of a period of disobedience was during the months following the birth of our son and leading up to our move to Pennsylvania. My husband and I decided quite suddenly that we needed to sell our house. We enlisted the help of several family members to help us clean and prepare our house for going on the market. Additionally, we made more changes to how we were earning money. I never had the desire to go back to providing child care. It was such a huge load of work for not much money. I was already overwhelmed with 2 children of my own only 15 months apart. Daniel, likewise, was not in love with his new job in pest control. He was working in the brutal summer heat and really felt that the task was not enabling him to use his mind enough. We were thankful for the income that it provided, however, and seriously looked into what the long-term benefits might be for such a career. I don't honestly remember if we spent time in prayer about each of these decisions. What I do know is that God continued to provide for our needs despite our choices.
Our home sold the first day it was on the market for full asking price! Also, Daniel was hired on-the-spot for a teaching job in the district we had taught in previously. His income, however, was not enough to support our growing family, so we made the decision to move in with my in-laws. This move in and of itself was not a bad one, however, the next 9 months would prove to be some of the most challenging in our lives.
I made a spur-of-the-moment decision to join a direct sales company, attempting to make some extra income to help provide for our family's needs. Between the enormous bill every month for health insurance for me and the kids, as well as a large chunk of money being taken out for retirement from Daniel's paycheck, not much remained to pay our bills each month. We were doing all we could to keep our heads above water. The company I joined had a very high quality product and involved a hobby that I love. I thought it would be a perfect fit!
Things went along fairly well, but shortly into my little business venture I realized an extreme mistake I had made in signing up - I did not pray about this decision. Rather, I made the decision based on my own selfish desires. I told myself things like, "It will be a good fit for me", or "I will get to stay home, earn extra income, and have fun while doing so." Over and over I was convicted of this mistake. I could clearly sense the Lord telling me that I had reacted too quickly to what I thought was a good opportunity. It was as if He was saying, "Haven't I provided for all your needs during the previous months? Do you trust Me to continue to provide for you?" My eyes were opened to the self-centered focus that this business was ultimately leading me on. Everything was about making more money, selling more product, moving up the career ladder. Again, don't get me wrong. There is not necessarily anything wrong with this from a business standpoint. It was simply not where God wanted me at that point in my life. Even still, it took me several months of trying to justify my actions to myself and to God, before I actually did what I needed to do. I stopped the business altogether. Not an easy decision, but as soon as I took this step of obedience, I knew I had done the right thing. The "peace that passes all understanding" once again filled my life and shortly after making this decision, Daniel and I were hired as houseparents.
Don't get me wrong, during the times I have been most obedient to God, I have also drawn the closest to Him and experienced the "peace that passes all understanding." Yet, in my times of disobedience, I have developed character, which ultimately helps me to continue to seek ways to be obedient. I honestly believe the times of disobedience have been just as important in my walk as those times when I am seeking and following Him wholeheartedly.
One of my clearest recollections of a period of disobedience was during the months following the birth of our son and leading up to our move to Pennsylvania. My husband and I decided quite suddenly that we needed to sell our house. We enlisted the help of several family members to help us clean and prepare our house for going on the market. Additionally, we made more changes to how we were earning money. I never had the desire to go back to providing child care. It was such a huge load of work for not much money. I was already overwhelmed with 2 children of my own only 15 months apart. Daniel, likewise, was not in love with his new job in pest control. He was working in the brutal summer heat and really felt that the task was not enabling him to use his mind enough. We were thankful for the income that it provided, however, and seriously looked into what the long-term benefits might be for such a career. I don't honestly remember if we spent time in prayer about each of these decisions. What I do know is that God continued to provide for our needs despite our choices.
Our home sold the first day it was on the market for full asking price! Also, Daniel was hired on-the-spot for a teaching job in the district we had taught in previously. His income, however, was not enough to support our growing family, so we made the decision to move in with my in-laws. This move in and of itself was not a bad one, however, the next 9 months would prove to be some of the most challenging in our lives.
I made a spur-of-the-moment decision to join a direct sales company, attempting to make some extra income to help provide for our family's needs. Between the enormous bill every month for health insurance for me and the kids, as well as a large chunk of money being taken out for retirement from Daniel's paycheck, not much remained to pay our bills each month. We were doing all we could to keep our heads above water. The company I joined had a very high quality product and involved a hobby that I love. I thought it would be a perfect fit!
Things went along fairly well, but shortly into my little business venture I realized an extreme mistake I had made in signing up - I did not pray about this decision. Rather, I made the decision based on my own selfish desires. I told myself things like, "It will be a good fit for me", or "I will get to stay home, earn extra income, and have fun while doing so." Over and over I was convicted of this mistake. I could clearly sense the Lord telling me that I had reacted too quickly to what I thought was a good opportunity. It was as if He was saying, "Haven't I provided for all your needs during the previous months? Do you trust Me to continue to provide for you?" My eyes were opened to the self-centered focus that this business was ultimately leading me on. Everything was about making more money, selling more product, moving up the career ladder. Again, don't get me wrong. There is not necessarily anything wrong with this from a business standpoint. It was simply not where God wanted me at that point in my life. Even still, it took me several months of trying to justify my actions to myself and to God, before I actually did what I needed to do. I stopped the business altogether. Not an easy decision, but as soon as I took this step of obedience, I knew I had done the right thing. The "peace that passes all understanding" once again filled my life and shortly after making this decision, Daniel and I were hired as houseparents.
29 July 2009
More Times of Struggle - Our Journey of Obedience Continues
As the days grew nearer to the birth of our second child, our stress levels continued to rise. Daniel still didn't have a full time job as of the beginning of April 2003. God continued to provide for our EVERY need. In fact, during these months, Daniel's Grandma wrote us a check every month from the small amount of money she lived on. It was for a nice sum and a sacrifice for her, yet she felt that this is what she was supposed to do. Family and friends were praying for us continually. Sometimes money would show up in the mail that we were not anticipating. God's timing is always perfect. I can remember one time when there was a doctor's appointment that I had to go to and wasn't sure where the money was coming from in order to pay for it. We had asked for prayer in a general manner in our Sunday school class and did not mention that we needed money. Immediately after class and just before the service started, one of our single friends from our Sunday school class walked up to us and handed us a check. It more than covered the expenses that we were anticipating. Once again, I sobbed as I realized that something I was stressing over was not necessary. I had wavered in my faith and had doubted that God was going to provide for us. In that moment, I was humbled in a way that I often had not been. How foolish I had been to think that God was not going to take care of this need as well!
Daniel found a job for a pest control company sometime in late April 2003. I continued to babysit right up until the day before I gave birth to our son. The C-section was scheduled for Friday, May 16. The night before this exciting day, Daniel and I went to Target to buy diapers for the newborn, as well as a few other things. While we wandered around the store for our last night as a family of 3, Daniel received a phone call from his Dad. Apparently, his Dad's brother (Daniel's uncle in Colorado) had mailed something to Daniel's parents' house. His uncle did not have our address, but wanted to send a "little" something in celebration of the birth of our second child. Daniel told his Dad to open the envelope. I watched his reaction as he listened to his Dad read the enclosed letter. His face went from smiling, to shock, to complete and utter disbelief. I think there were even a few tears in my husband's eyes. I found out after what seemed like an eternal five minute conversation that Daniel's uncle not only wrote a very nice letter, but also enclosed a check for $500! Remember this was the day before my C-section and we figured we would put the co-pay on one of our credit cards. Guess what the amount of the co-pay was? $500!!! Unbelievable, especially considering the timing, the large amount of money, and the fact that this is not a relative that Daniel is especially close to.
As many know, this was only one more step in our journey of obedience. The story has many more elements to it. Obedience to the Lord and striving to follow Him daily continues to be something that we are working on. One of my primary reasons for starting this blog is not only to share with others how God works in our life, but also as a reminder to myself of His faithfulness to me and to my family.
"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
Matthew 6:25-34 NKJV
Daniel found a job for a pest control company sometime in late April 2003. I continued to babysit right up until the day before I gave birth to our son. The C-section was scheduled for Friday, May 16. The night before this exciting day, Daniel and I went to Target to buy diapers for the newborn, as well as a few other things. While we wandered around the store for our last night as a family of 3, Daniel received a phone call from his Dad. Apparently, his Dad's brother (Daniel's uncle in Colorado) had mailed something to Daniel's parents' house. His uncle did not have our address, but wanted to send a "little" something in celebration of the birth of our second child. Daniel told his Dad to open the envelope. I watched his reaction as he listened to his Dad read the enclosed letter. His face went from smiling, to shock, to complete and utter disbelief. I think there were even a few tears in my husband's eyes. I found out after what seemed like an eternal five minute conversation that Daniel's uncle not only wrote a very nice letter, but also enclosed a check for $500! Remember this was the day before my C-section and we figured we would put the co-pay on one of our credit cards. Guess what the amount of the co-pay was? $500!!! Unbelievable, especially considering the timing, the large amount of money, and the fact that this is not a relative that Daniel is especially close to.
As many know, this was only one more step in our journey of obedience. The story has many more elements to it. Obedience to the Lord and striving to follow Him daily continues to be something that we are working on. One of my primary reasons for starting this blog is not only to share with others how God works in our life, but also as a reminder to myself of His faithfulness to me and to my family.
"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
Matthew 6:25-34 NKJV
26 July 2009
Obedience is not easy...
Five years ago this week, my husband and I, along with our 2-year-old daughter, 1 year-old son, and father-in-law and mother-in-law arrived in Pennsylvania after a 7 day journey across the country from the Phoenix, AZ area. It was a long week, filled with much adventure and even more anticipation. The kids screamed every time we placed them in their car seats for another long day's journey. I marveled at the many different areas of the country I had never seen in my 28 years of life. Daniel and I talked with his parents about what our new life might possibly be like. We had only seen the area we were moving to once before, 3 months prior when we flew out without the kids for our second interview with the school we were soon to be officially employed by. My in-laws had seen the area many years previously when they were in the same town on a family vacation. They were along to help us to settle in for a week before our training started.
This was the start of our new life. I couldn't believe it. We were the least likely of any of our siblings to move away from our family, our friends, our church. Moving away is one thing. Moving 2600 miles away is another. Most days I was excited about our fresh start. Other days I wondered about my sanity. Ultimately I kept coming back to our reason for moving in the first place. Obedience. Plain and simple. Obedience. God called us to this new life. In order to understand what it is we do and our journey to this place in our lives, I need to go even further back in time...back to when our first daughter was born.
In 2002, shortly after the birth of our oldest child, Daniel and I both felt the Lord leading us to quit our jobs as public school teachers. I had always dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom, but had no idea how to make this work with the debt we had incurred. We turned in our resignations at the beginning of April that year. I was already on maternity leave for 13 weeks and finished off the last 3 weeks of the school year. I packed up my classroom, then ended up teaching part-time for 4 weeks during the summer in a different district. The plan was for Daniel to find a higher paying job in the business world, and I would provide child care in our home for a teacher friend's child (who was a mere 8 weeks younger than our daughter). Daniel found a job working with someone from our church and I prepared our house for the invasion of a second infant. Sounds like a doable plan, right?
Let's just say that the plan worked, but not always in the way WE had intended it to. I found out when our daughter was only 6 months old that I was pregnant with baby #2. Right about this time I had also taken on a neighbor's 1-year-old part-time. Hmmmm...caring for 3 children, ages 1-year-old or less and pregnant! My days were filled with changing diapers, feeding babies, cleaning up, changing more diapers, feeding babies again, changing more diapers...you get the picture. I was utterly exhausted most days.
Fast forward a few months. Daniel had lost his initial job and was unemployed. He substituted and looked for a more permanent job in the meantime. Life was certainly stressful. Despite this, I remember these times fondly because we began to see God work in our life in a way we never had before. Money was scarce and bills were plenty. Our savings account was slowly dwindling to nothing and we wondered many days how we were going to make the next mortgage payment.
One day I sat at the kitchen table, praying to God that He would provide a way for us to buy a few groceries. We were not going hungry, but our cupboards were looking a little sparse. A short time later, I walked down the street to check the mail. I sat down at the same spot at the kitchen table and began to sort through the many envelopes. One of the first things I opened was a card from a family at church. They encouraged us to keep trusting in the Lord and told us they were praying for us. I smiled at their encouragement and love for us, then looked down at something that had fallen out of the card. A gift card for $50 to a local grocery store! I balled my eyes out for about 5 minutes, thanking and praising God with every part of my being. The Creator of the Universe cared enough about me to answer my measly little prayer for a way to buy some food. I had been a Christian since I was a young child, but this was seriously a huge turning point in my relationship with the Lord.
This was only the beginning of many more times where God's protection and care in my family's life was completely evident. He has travelled with us (and often carried us) through some pretty difficult points in our lives. Yes, our journey to Pennsylvania was (and is still!) an adventure, but it was also (and continues to be) filled with trials of all sorts. More snapshots from our journey of obedience to follow in future posts.
This was the start of our new life. I couldn't believe it. We were the least likely of any of our siblings to move away from our family, our friends, our church. Moving away is one thing. Moving 2600 miles away is another. Most days I was excited about our fresh start. Other days I wondered about my sanity. Ultimately I kept coming back to our reason for moving in the first place. Obedience. Plain and simple. Obedience. God called us to this new life. In order to understand what it is we do and our journey to this place in our lives, I need to go even further back in time...back to when our first daughter was born.
In 2002, shortly after the birth of our oldest child, Daniel and I both felt the Lord leading us to quit our jobs as public school teachers. I had always dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom, but had no idea how to make this work with the debt we had incurred. We turned in our resignations at the beginning of April that year. I was already on maternity leave for 13 weeks and finished off the last 3 weeks of the school year. I packed up my classroom, then ended up teaching part-time for 4 weeks during the summer in a different district. The plan was for Daniel to find a higher paying job in the business world, and I would provide child care in our home for a teacher friend's child (who was a mere 8 weeks younger than our daughter). Daniel found a job working with someone from our church and I prepared our house for the invasion of a second infant. Sounds like a doable plan, right?
Let's just say that the plan worked, but not always in the way WE had intended it to. I found out when our daughter was only 6 months old that I was pregnant with baby #2. Right about this time I had also taken on a neighbor's 1-year-old part-time. Hmmmm...caring for 3 children, ages 1-year-old or less and pregnant! My days were filled with changing diapers, feeding babies, cleaning up, changing more diapers, feeding babies again, changing more diapers...you get the picture. I was utterly exhausted most days.
Fast forward a few months. Daniel had lost his initial job and was unemployed. He substituted and looked for a more permanent job in the meantime. Life was certainly stressful. Despite this, I remember these times fondly because we began to see God work in our life in a way we never had before. Money was scarce and bills were plenty. Our savings account was slowly dwindling to nothing and we wondered many days how we were going to make the next mortgage payment.
One day I sat at the kitchen table, praying to God that He would provide a way for us to buy a few groceries. We were not going hungry, but our cupboards were looking a little sparse. A short time later, I walked down the street to check the mail. I sat down at the same spot at the kitchen table and began to sort through the many envelopes. One of the first things I opened was a card from a family at church. They encouraged us to keep trusting in the Lord and told us they were praying for us. I smiled at their encouragement and love for us, then looked down at something that had fallen out of the card. A gift card for $50 to a local grocery store! I balled my eyes out for about 5 minutes, thanking and praising God with every part of my being. The Creator of the Universe cared enough about me to answer my measly little prayer for a way to buy some food. I had been a Christian since I was a young child, but this was seriously a huge turning point in my relationship with the Lord.
This was only the beginning of many more times where God's protection and care in my family's life was completely evident. He has travelled with us (and often carried us) through some pretty difficult points in our lives. Yes, our journey to Pennsylvania was (and is still!) an adventure, but it was also (and continues to be) filled with trials of all sorts. More snapshots from our journey of obedience to follow in future posts.
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