Before I get too much farther into the story of my walk with Christ, I want to make one thing perfectly clear - I am a sinner just as anyone else. Please do not confuse my stories of obedience with those of perfection or being on some kind of "holier than thou" soap box. I have made more than my fair share of mistakes on this road called life. I have to choose daily to die to self.
Don't get me wrong, during the times I have been most obedient to God, I have also drawn the closest to Him and experienced the "peace that passes all understanding." Yet, in my times of disobedience, I have developed character, which ultimately helps me to continue to seek ways to be obedient. I honestly believe the times of disobedience have been just as important in my walk as those times when I am seeking and following Him wholeheartedly.
One of my clearest recollections of a period of disobedience was during the months following the birth of our son and leading up to our move to Pennsylvania. My husband and I decided quite suddenly that we needed to sell our house. We enlisted the help of several family members to help us clean and prepare our house for going on the market. Additionally, we made more changes to how we were earning money. I never had the desire to go back to providing child care. It was such a huge load of work for not much money. I was already overwhelmed with 2 children of my own only 15 months apart. Daniel, likewise, was not in love with his new job in pest control. He was working in the brutal summer heat and really felt that the task was not enabling him to use his mind enough. We were thankful for the income that it provided, however, and seriously looked into what the long-term benefits might be for such a career. I don't honestly remember if we spent time in prayer about each of these decisions. What I do know is that God continued to provide for our needs despite our choices.
Our home sold the first day it was on the market for full asking price! Also, Daniel was hired on-the-spot for a teaching job in the district we had taught in previously. His income, however, was not enough to support our growing family, so we made the decision to move in with my in-laws. This move in and of itself was not a bad one, however, the next 9 months would prove to be some of the most challenging in our lives.
I made a spur-of-the-moment decision to join a direct sales company, attempting to make some extra income to help provide for our family's needs. Between the enormous bill every month for health insurance for me and the kids, as well as a large chunk of money being taken out for retirement from Daniel's paycheck, not much remained to pay our bills each month. We were doing all we could to keep our heads above water. The company I joined had a very high quality product and involved a hobby that I love. I thought it would be a perfect fit!
Things went along fairly well, but shortly into my little business venture I realized an extreme mistake I had made in signing up - I did not pray about this decision. Rather, I made the decision based on my own selfish desires. I told myself things like, "It will be a good fit for me", or "I will get to stay home, earn extra income, and have fun while doing so." Over and over I was convicted of this mistake. I could clearly sense the Lord telling me that I had reacted too quickly to what I thought was a good opportunity. It was as if He was saying, "Haven't I provided for all your needs during the previous months? Do you trust Me to continue to provide for you?" My eyes were opened to the self-centered focus that this business was ultimately leading me on. Everything was about making more money, selling more product, moving up the career ladder. Again, don't get me wrong. There is not necessarily anything wrong with this from a business standpoint. It was simply not where God wanted me at that point in my life. Even still, it took me several months of trying to justify my actions to myself and to God, before I actually did what I needed to do. I stopped the business altogether. Not an easy decision, but as soon as I took this step of obedience, I knew I had done the right thing. The "peace that passes all understanding" once again filled my life and shortly after making this decision, Daniel and I were hired as houseparents.
